Why Knowing Yourself is the Key to Setting Standards

The idea for this piece came to me after watching a short quote on TikTok. The creator listed five things about women and standards and how unwise it is for a woman of standard to chase after a man. And while I liked what she said, something in me disagreed. So I shared my thoughts in a comment, and this is what you are reading.

What is Standard

Sometimes, when you think about it, standards aren’t about pride or ego; they’re about knowing oneself. So, having standards doesn’t mean refusing to seek a man’s attention. And knowing what you want doesn’t mean letting go blindly—we let go what's not worthy of our time, effort, and energy.

Does a woman with standards chase?

Sometimes, a woman with standards may choose to pursue a man she believes holds greater values than herself because only a truly self-aware woman knows when to humble herself to meet someone on her level.

For that matter, we shouldn’t assume that chasing a man means a woman lacks standards or wisdom, nor that men are unworthy by default. The key is whether she is pursuing someone below her criteria. And since a woman with standards knows what she wants, her choices deserve respect rather than judgment.

Controlling our emotions

Women should be taught to be emotionally and mentally strong. We shouldn’t compete or “rock shoulders” with men just to feel valued. A woman is always a woman, and a man always a man, but how we allow ourselves to be treated — that is where boundaries come in. We shouldn’t expect a man to automatically respect us just because we have standards. Emotional strength and boundaries matter more than assumptions about others’ behavior.

Understanding the two sides

If a man doesn’t marry a woman solely for her beauty, likewise, a woman may not be married just because she is educated or holds high standards. Sometimes it's simply her heart that lights up her world to be seen. Some educated women remain single, not because they lack worth, but simply because they are perceived as “know-it-alls.”

This highlights the difference between standards, criteria, and boundaries. A man’s choice in marriage — whether for beauty, wealth, character, or piety — is his own. One choice does not diminish another.

Let’s remind ourselves:

• A disrespectful man will always be disrespectful, no matter how high your standards.
• A man of dignity will always respect you, even if you have nothing to boast of.

How we present ourselves matters, but how others perceive us cannot always be changed. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Final Reflection

In the end, being a woman of standards isn’t about standing taller than others; it’s about standing truer to yourself. It’s knowing when to walk away, when to reach out, and when to simply stay still in grace.

Standards don’t separate us from love; they guide us toward the kind that sees our worth, not just our surface. Be beautiful, educated, and empowered, but also set boundaries and know your criteria.